I help small to mid-size nonprofit leadership teams navigate strategic changes intentionally, effectively, and confidently through coaching engagements. My mission is to weave together the fabric of people for a stronger community.
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What is mine to hold? June & July 2025 from B3
Published about 1 year ago • 3 min read
June & July 2025
Hi Reader,
Here we are, tumbling through summer. My kid's last day for the year was a couple of weeks ago, and already I can feel the shifts in my routine and my brain looking for those tips/tricks to help navigate the inconsistent schedule ahead.
Also, summer is exciting... the changes in fiscal year for many of my clients brings new possibilities; the summer slow down for others gives us all a breather and time to integrate all we've been learning; the abundant sunlight gives me energy and possibility!
Tomorrow, I had into my annual retreat - planning for the next 12 months, and getting intentional!
Team Coaching
The 5th Stage: Adjourning
One of the biggest challenges of leading a team is when something bubbling underneath the surface rises up. Often leaders try to avoid this, to steer the team into more pleasant "team building" positivity.
But sometimes, the team is hearing signals that something is really changing - maybe it's time for a radical shift: sometimes, that is the departure of a key team member; often times, it's realizing they are mourning an old version of the organization or team and have to let go and move on.
The Tuckman model of team development can be a great lens to help a team notice what is happening under the surface. The stages are:
Forming: Team is coming together under a structure; marked by ambiguity and looking to the team leader for direction & guidance
Storming: Team is organizing tasks & processes; conflict arises as team surfaces issues of leadership, power, structure
Norming: Team is creating new ways of doing & being together; team starts to find cohesion, trust, and shares leadership
Performing: Team is discovering true interdependence; marked by flexibility & adaptation to each others’ needs, as well as high productivity both personally & professionally
Adjourning (or mourning): Team members are feeling ready to leave, sitting with significant change to team structure, membership, or purpose -- and has to navigate emotions while being productive
Once the team begins to think about where it is in a lifecycle, the possibilities to address challenges start to make sense -- but too often, teams step over the fifth stage.
In coaching and facilitation, sometimes you can't avoid steering headlong into something unpleasant, something that's been bubbling below the surface.
In fact, avoiding it has allowed the problem to persist for so long, and you know this is where the team needs to go.
Sometimes it causes a big explosion.
As someone who cares, you're likely to feel a sense of responsibility.
Whether you triggered it, led the team to reveal it, or stumbled into it, you're a compassionate and thoughtful person who wants to minimize harm.
You do your best to lead the team back into relationships, mission, and purpose, but there's often something eating at you as your body, heart, and brain process the challenging experience.
But what is yours to hold?
It can be difficult to get there, but the truest thing you can tell yourself is: "Thank goodness we opened that up because now we can move forward."
The team leaders instinctively would try to contain it forever---and it needed to be exposed before the team could begin to heal.
As a coach, you offer the pages for the team to write and rewrite its story -- but you do not have a role in the story. Restorative practices can help you discern what's yours and what you can let go.
Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
Occasionally, I do bespoke training with organizations - and recently, I've been prepping for a session on how to give & receive feedback. This hits so many coaching themes, especially working through how feedback happens in the context of relationships. The authors break down our negative/shut-down reactions to feedback into three categories:
truth (what you're telling me isn't true)
relationship (I don't want to hear it from you)
identity (this attacks my sense of self)
The books helps identify, and then work through the triggers.
One quick takeaway: make the PURPOSE of the feedback clear, and align the feedback approach to the purpose.
Which feedback trigger do you most notice in yourself?
On a personal note
River & Restoration
Every year, I'm fortunate to visit a friend in Montana - her restorative practice is to be on the river.
This year, I learned about "strainers" - the obstacles that don't look dangerous, but can catch you with what you can't see underneath. The metaphor here is intense for me, about the seen & unseen and how we help each other navigate obstacles.
Hit reply and let me know how you're doing---I'm happy to listen and support.
I help small to mid-size nonprofit leadership teams navigate strategic changes intentionally, effectively, and confidently through coaching engagements. My mission is to weave together the fabric of people for a stronger community.
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